Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Four minutes until I can fart!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
