made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
