Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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