Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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