he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
