I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
