She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
