I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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