a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
