Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
