we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
