keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
