how hairy? two words: wookie tits
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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