so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
