UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
