She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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