He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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