Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
