Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just cut my nipple shaving
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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