He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
