We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
