Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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