Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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