Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
