my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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