Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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