Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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