Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
