I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
