I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
