I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
where are my eyebrows?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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