R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
