I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
