you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
