was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you traded sex for a burrito?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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