You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
