dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
too bad you live with your parents still
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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