i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
