before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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