Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The uberlube is also flammable
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
