laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize