thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
