I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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