well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
