whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
