my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
