I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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