someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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