Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
