Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
