her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
