and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
