Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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