please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Green mimosas i think yes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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