..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
