dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
