I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
