You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
