It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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