I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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