Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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