The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
