5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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