Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need water and some morals
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
