By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
