OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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