I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
