we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
