Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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